Who's in control here? A child is strapped into her high chair for the meal time. Mom and dad are discussing the day's events when the adorable little imp drops her plastic child's fork to the floor. Almost without noticing, mom pics it up, wipes it off and returns it to the tray. Not a minute goes by and it drops to the floor again. Mom again responds. The third time mom picks it up, sets it beside her on the table and continues her conversation with her husband who is relating a riveting story about how his boss is requiring all workers to track their copier use by department. With the fork held hostage the child now begins a low level whine. The fork is returned to the tray, dropped to the floor, and the little sweetheart is wiped up, and sat upon mom's lap where she wanted to be all along. Sound familiar? I've been there all to often. So who was in control at that moment?
As parents we live in a fantasy world if we think we exercise any amount of control over our children. We can hold tight the reins, but only for a time. The tougher we are on rules and requirements, the more likely we'll find them broken. Our problem, we learn over time, is that our children are blessed with the same God-given independent and free will as we are. They can actually make decisions outside the boundaries we lay down, no matter how well we train them, cajole them, or beat them within an inch of their lives. (Not recommending that, only speaking in hyperbole.) However, it is a natural tendency to judge ourselves and others based upon our children's behavior and life choices. We raise the family unit and it's cohesiveness and "success" to a level of prominence such that when there is a "failure" it reflects negatively on the parents, in spite of all their best efforts.
I read a book in seminary that the title alone is guaranteed to spark controversy. "Confronting the Idolatry of Family" did just that, it brought to the fore the fact that we tend to lift up family in a way Jesus never did. As a matter of fact Jesus' words about family were even more inflammatory. In Matthew 10:35-36 he says "35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; 36 and one's foes will be members of one's own household." And how about Matthew 14:25-26 which reads, "25 Now large crowds were traveling with him; and he turned and said to them, 26 "Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple."
Was Jesus anti-family? Of course not. Jesus was against anything that came between a person and their relationship with God. When we acknowledge Christ as our savior, accept our baptismal faith, and unite with a congregation we are saying yes to being a part of a new family. That is the family of God. God adopts us as His sons and daughters. We become brothers and sisters with Christ, and with one another. One big happy family.
If we are no longer considered by God to be a part of the birth family then what of that family? What is our role and responsibility to that family unit and the individuals within? How about this... God's family is our family. It is our primary identity and our primary responsibility. That makes our birth families (or adoptive families, whatever the case) our primary mission field. No longer do we find ourselves relying on our children, siblings and parents for our self-esteem but rather we are esteemed by our Heavenly Father and his family. With that confidence we can become to our personal brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, and parents an advocate for Christ. We can serve their needs and address their hopes and hurts, all in the name of Christ. Can you imagine how that might work for you?
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